Sunday, September 6, 2009

The Gallon of Downy Soap that Spilled in the Trunk of My Car

Why: Even Exxon is glad this "spill" didn't happen to them

The set of events unleashed by the "spill of 09" can only be described as "Valdez-ish". It all started as an innocent Saturday afternoon. I had just bought my first television since 1996 and was heading home to gaze in all its glory, but had to first stop by Cowboy Chicken, where my comedic friend, and dealer in rotisserie chicken, Bredow, was going to drop off 2 gallons of downy soap previously purchased earlier that afternoon at Sam's. It was after opening the trunk of my car, and hearing Bredow say the magical words, "oh shit", when I realized the day had taken a horrible turn. Approximately half of each gallon had spilled into the trunk, seeping into every inch of the fabric. Twenty minutes later, I found myself in the back of Cowboy Chicken, covered in water, as Bredow and I frantically attempted to rid the trunk of everything Downy with a hose comondered from the restaurant. It was then, with the contents of the trunk spread out along the alley floor and my trusted friend Bredow inside the restaurant, when the bee made its attack! From out of nowhere, this bee, which could only be described as Mothra, bore down on me. After running around with my arms flailing about me the bee returned from the hell it came from.

This story is fucking ridiculous. I've had just about enought of it. In short, we got most of the soap out thanks to a high pressure water hose, a car wash that almost destroyed my car, a claustrophobic anxiety attack, and a dissapearing/reappearing car wash attendant. Whatever was left dried out. And just FYI, there's a drain in every car's spare tire basin.

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