Why: Because you do not need to be wearing a blue aerodynamic helmet to order a venti iced coffee
Take off the helmet! We all know you are trying to move as aerodynamically as possible, but are you that worried physics may keep you from your tasty beverage for an additional .000000000000000000000007 seconds? It is a simple two-step process:
1. Elevate arm to chin
2. Take off helmet
Yes, you have two favorite things in life - bikes and spandex - but it is not necessary to continue to prove the point.
Monday, August 10, 2009
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Coldplay
Why: If I want to listen to Radiohead, I listen to Radiohead. If I want to listen to a band wishing it was Radiohead, I listen to Coldplay.
Is it Halloween? Seriously...what is with the 19th century French military get-up? You're not French and I doubt the military would even want you. In fact, the costumes do not even look French, but more US circa WWII (a war in which the French managed to do less than your band does). And what is with the pop-ness (yeah, I said pop-ness) of your songs? Does your keyboardist sneak into your studio in the middle of the night and re-write all the songs? Look, get the pen away from Ryan Seacrest and write some real songs - NOT Radiohead meets Timbaland.
Is it Halloween? Seriously...what is with the 19th century French military get-up? You're not French and I doubt the military would even want you. In fact, the costumes do not even look French, but more US circa WWII (a war in which the French managed to do less than your band does). And what is with the pop-ness (yeah, I said pop-ness) of your songs? Does your keyboardist sneak into your studio in the middle of the night and re-write all the songs? Look, get the pen away from Ryan Seacrest and write some real songs - NOT Radiohead meets Timbaland.
Monday, August 3, 2009
The Mouse in My Apartment
Why: Because if he's not helping with rent, he's not staying here.
The current attempt at catching Fievel involves my trash can, peanut butter, foil, and a ramp (into the trash can). This is not a joke. This contraption is currently assembled in my kitchen. Of course, I do think this is more effective than my plan to shame it into leaving by insulting it. It was not pretty. I actually felt the need to apologize for some of the things I said.
Post capture plan: GLADIATOR MICE!! - http://flimmr.passagen.se/movie/family_guy_gladiator_mice.action.
The current attempt at catching Fievel involves my trash can, peanut butter, foil, and a ramp (into the trash can). This is not a joke. This contraption is currently assembled in my kitchen. Of course, I do think this is more effective than my plan to shame it into leaving by insulting it. It was not pretty. I actually felt the need to apologize for some of the things I said.
Post capture plan: GLADIATOR MICE!! - http://flimmr.passagen.se/movie/family_guy_gladiator_mice.action.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
The Guy on the Bike in Front of Me
Why: Because you're not a car.
Look...just because you wear a yellow spandex shirt does not make you Lance Armstrong and does not make Hillcrest one of the stages of the Tour De France. And your arm thing as some sort of turn signal? Really? Who came up with that? Yes, I know you're turning left. You know how I know? Because you're in front of me in the left turn only lane! Seriously...why did we build you the Katy and White Rock Trials? Oh, I'm sorry, do the runners slow you down?!
Look...just because you wear a yellow spandex shirt does not make you Lance Armstrong and does not make Hillcrest one of the stages of the Tour De France. And your arm thing as some sort of turn signal? Really? Who came up with that? Yes, I know you're turning left. You know how I know? Because you're in front of me in the left turn only lane! Seriously...why did we build you the Katy and White Rock Trials? Oh, I'm sorry, do the runners slow you down?!
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